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By Richard Cranium

The Otter hockey team is always looking for ways to help out or inform the community on issues. Recently, one of the Otters had a routine medical exam done and wanted to keep the public abreast on the procedure.

Due to Hipaa regulations, the person’s name has been changed. Let’s just call him Emmanual to protect his identity.

“Since I was over 50, Dr. Vinny Boombah recommended that I have a routine medical exam,” said Emmanual. “He gave me a couple of options and since my son and I watch bull riding on TV, he included this one here:”


“I opted for the regular one since this one looked a little tricky.”

Emmanual explained that he was also given options on what equipment would be used. His choices varied from the turbo auger to the basic HMO tube. All choices are pictured here:







“I really wanted to use the big white one,” voiced Emmanual, “but the doctor said that could only be used on the Friday night red players, so I went with the basic HMO setup.”

The doctor then showed Emmanual a diagram of the procedure.



“It was real neat looking at it. The doctor gave me some crayons so I could color in the different parts and told me to trace the route he was going to take,” voiced Emmanual. “It was like one of those Google trip maps. He told me to be careful because if I colored outside the lines, I would be in trouble, just like him.”

His doctor, pictured here, set up the exam at a local hospital.

The first step of the procedure was a mild sedation that made Emmanual relaxed and sleepy.

“In the beginning it was just like going to Disneyland, a great deal of fun and they even give you a picture like they do at Splash Mountain,” said Emmanual.




“As I was falling asleep, all hell broke loose and it’s not what you think. I had taken laxatives the day before so everything about that was ok,” explained Emmanual. “An IRS agent barged into the operating room demanding to be there during the procedure.”

Evidently the IRS, got a tip from an informant, called “Just” that the patient was hiding money and failed to pay the proper income tax.

“We knew the suspect had money since our informant said he had money coming out of his ass,” IRS agent “Dollar” Bill stated.

Agent “Dollar” Bill went on to say that they had found the suspect’s golden parachute on some property near Lake Shasta and the money was missing.

“We know the money has to be somewhere because another informant called “Cupcake” said he saw some the other night.”

The investigation is ongoing since no money was found.

“I think the IRS had the wrong guy,” said Emmanual. “Even though I was groggy, I could hear them talking about some guy named Paul Epps and they were looking for him.”

“Anyways, they must think I’m really dumb to hide my money up my butt,” Emmanual said. “I buried it five paces northwest of the tree I just cut down over the weekend.”

Emmanual’s exam was quick and easy except for the IRS interruption.

“I would recommend this for anyone. It was a lot of fun and I played hockey that night,” voiced Emmanual.

“There is a Friday night team of Old Timers that we play against. Guys like Chip, Art, Rex and Wes should try this. I know my teammate Randolph is giving it a shot next month!”