(Glad to be back from Betty Ford & Jenny Craig)
In an unprecedented move, representatives of USA Hockey, USA Amateur Hockey, I.O.C., Canadian Adult Hockey, KLM, and The Inuit Adult Rec League Hockey & Dog Sledding Association are investigating allegations of point shaving, game fixing and all around poor sportsmanship associated with an IOAH game scheduled last evening.
An email submitted by a person only identified as “J”, accuses the IOAH Otters hockey team of intently forfeiting last night’s 10:45 pm contest against their longtime rivals the Intangibles. In the email “J” accuses the Otter Organization of not following the “expected steps to assure a game could be played”. “J” went on to say that a game eventually was played and the 5 players of the Intangibles team were, in fact, able to play a game in which they had “cleared time in their schedules”, “gotten babysitters or approval from their spouses” (this authors favorite) and or “commuted to the rink”.
When asked for comment, Otters CFO and mother of the teams General Manger, Jules Nolet issued a statement in which did not specifically address the issue of last evening other than listing the series of conflicting pre-scheduled events that prohibited the Otters membership from attending last nights game.
Jules explained that Otters plucky forward Bo Daly was attending an amateur tryout for the Chinese National Team: Defenseman/ coach David Warner is finishing up a stint on the IR with an undisclosed (yet very public) “lower-body” injury: Speedy forward and team psychiatrist, Jeremy Wilkinson, was presenting a presentation on “Avoiding Chairs and other Hazards of the ER” and Otter goalie, simply known as the Tarantula, was on a date with TV and film Star Mary-Louse Parker.
In an attempt to get the full impact of last nights events, this reporter contacted several other key groups and individuals to get there take on the situation.
I talked with Mark Rogers, the rostered goalie for the IOAH Sahara Desert, the Otters top development program. Mark clearly pointed out that he “is not an Otter” and thus “does not have a dog in this fight.” He would not comment any further, saying he had to run to play a BB game in San Jose.
When I spoke with a representative of the Nazareth Group, the ownership entity of the Ice Oasis, their reply was. “.. we own a hockey rink?”
Former 49er head coach Mike Singletary, said “he had to watch the game film before making any assessment”
Chris Knight, the IOAH League Commissioner, refused to comment publicly, but did offer up that outcome of the game that was scheduled to be played had no impact on the final league standings.
It seems to this reporter that the only individuals that suffered from the Otters shenanigans, was the ownership of the, Michelin rated, Ice Oasis Grill. Head Sous Chef Bobby stated that their profits were down 87% due to the absence of the Otter Team. He had just changed the oil in the deep fryer and was “hoping for a record run on Buffalo wings.”
With the regular season now finished and the playoffs starting up next week, this reported is giddy like a school girl about how this could play out. The Otters and the Intangibles are clearly among the top eight teams in the league and a late round playoff matchup between these two sworn mortal enemies could provide more fireworks than has been seen since the, now immortal, 1914 match up of the St John’s Loonies and their cross –ice-flow rivals the Ruskula Seal Harpooners. – And we all recall how that ended.
If indeed these two teams meet in the playoffs, I have been told that CSN-Comcast Bay Area has expressed an interest in airing the match-up as a Pay-per-View event.
A classless move by the Otters? Maybe!. Did the Intangibles have it coming? Probably. Another classic story entered in the annals of hockey lore to be relived over many pints of cold beer? Definitely!
I am even told, that season ticket sales for the upcoming IOAH season has reached an all time high.
See you on the Ice
D.D.
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