ATHERTON COUPLE ARRESTED AFTER RAID

Palo Alto Daily News

The normally bucolic town of Atherton was rocked yesterday when a mixed task force of Federal, State and local authorities raided a home in search of a priceless relic which has been missing since late May. FBI investigators were given an anonymous tip, from a person calling himself “Mr. Intangible”, that the Golden Victory Chalice of Tunis was in the possession of the couple who live on the 100 block of Atherton Avenue.
The Golden Victory Chalice of Tunis which has been deemed a World Archeological Treasure was first discovered back in the 11th century outside what archeologists believe was the first hockey rink ever developed by man.

The multi agency task squad lead by the world famous Atherton SWAT team raided the home of Jules and Alan Nolet, in the early hours and found what they believe to be the priceless piece of antiquity.
During the raid, forces from Homeland Security were called in when investigators discovered an extremely large amount of what Chief Brennen, Atherton PD described as “paramilitary gear”.
"I have never seen such a large assortment of high tech weaponry and gear in my 30 plus years of law enforcement” said Brennen. “It appears that someone was planning to invade a small country with all of this stuff.”

Additionally, agents from the California Department of Fish and Game were also contacted when a chandelier made of numerous deer antlers was discovered in the Living Room of the house. CDFG agents believe that the antlers are those of the strictly protected Ohlone Fallow Deer. The Ohlone Fallow Deer are reportedly the rarest of all native deer who’s total population numbers are feared to be in the low teens.
Attorney for the couple, XXXX XXXXXX, could not be reached for comment.






ATHERTON COUPLE EXONERATED

Palo Alto Daily News

In a bizarre chain of events, the Atherton couple who were taken into custody after yesterday’s early morning raid have been exonerated of all charges. As the Daily News first reported yesterday, Alan & Jules Nolet were arrested after authorities raided their home in search of the priceless artifact, the Golden Victory Chalice of Tunis. After extensive scientific research, including carbon dating, scientists at the UC Berkeley Archeology Department determined that the item seized during the raid was not that of the priceless relic, but a cheap knockoff of a brass trophy cup. Head archeologist, Dr Rex Mann said. “The extensive number of tests performed proved that the item was not the Golden Chalice” and “..the plaque stuck to the front that read “IOHA Holiday Cup” also was a giveaway”.

The other items of concern discovered during the raid of the Nolet’s house, were also dismissed. The chandelier, that Department of Fish & Game believed to be made from the antlers of rare Ohlone Fallow Deer, turned out to be made from concrete. The Daily News also learned that the Ohlone Fallow Deer have in fact, been extinct for close to 2,500 years. The “paramilitary gear” also seized turned to be no more that an assortment of Prince Caspian action figure pieces that belonged to the couple’s young child.
In light of this potential embarrassing string of events, Atherton Police have shifted their investigation and are now looking for Mr. Intangible, the individual who originally offered the anonymous tip that implicated the Atherton couple. Although Atherton Police admit to having no formal suspect, they have admitted to focusing their attention to someone who might have a grudge against the Nolets. They also admit to having a “person of interest” whom they are trying to find. Authorities will not release the full name of the person being sought, but refer to them only by the initials M.N.
Attorney for the couple, XXXX XXXXXX, still could not be reached for comment

Daly to play goal

Otters versus Yaks…Daly in goal??
By Richard Cranium Jun 27, 11:03 pm EDT
Tonight’s IOAH 9:30pm match up between the Otters and Yaks will have an interesting flavor to it.

It has been reported that the Yak’s regular goalie, Ken Pozzabon will be unable to make it and diminutive forward Bo Daly may step into the crease.

Daly as you may know has always wanted to be an Otter and has played with many of the Otter players on the tournament team the Wonder Pets.

“I’m a little nervous going up against some of these guys,” said Daly this past Wednesday. “I’ll certainly be wearing a full outfit of goalie gear. Normally when I play forward I don’t wear shoulder pads. It cuts down on my speed and affects my shot.”

Daly also talked about one piece of equipment that may become a problem. “I don’t have any goalie skates so I use my regular ones. I have no side to side movement so I’m a little like a pylon out there. I hope they don’t shoot to my sides or high or low for that matter. I was thinking of going out to the Target department store and getting one of their logos and pasting it on my chest for the boys to use for their shots.”

Contacted in Pittsburgh was Daly’s soon to be financee Karen who expressed her concern, “it’s okay to hit him in the head because he sometimes gets a little nerdy on me BUT keep the shots away from his manhood!!”

On another note regarding this game, it has been rumored that IOAH hockey director, Chris Knight is investigating allegations that money may have changed hands. “It has been brought to my attention that Otter players are been paid not to shoot on Daly. If this is found to be true, suspensions and/or lifetime bans may be imposed”

Ken Yackel, president of IOAH, was contacted about these allegations and could only say, “I would really like to know who is moving this money around, maybe they could lend me some.”

Whatever the outcome is from tonight’s game, Daly is bringing a positive outlook to the locker room before the puck is dropped. “I have no fear of the three Russians or big Alan. They just skate around, pass the puck a lot and never shoot. I’ve heard Ahern and Jewett have been practicing in their driveways screening and jamming the goalie. That won’t bother me since I’ll be able to see between their legs. The person that I’m most concerned about is the sniper, Ted Brown. He has been on a hot streak and never stops even when up 7 goals.”

Daly did go on to say that it will be great fun tonight and no matter what happens he will be mentally and physically prepared. Daly said, “I went out last night and bought a big box of Depends.”

Muthig to Retire??

Muthig hasn’t decided whether to return to OTTERS

By Richard Cranium

REDWOOD CITY (AP)—IOAH Friday night Otter defenseman Tom Muthig hasn’t decided yet whether to return to the team this season or retire.
Team spokesperson Jules Nolet said Saturday that Muthig met with general manager Aden Nolet. He said Muthig wasn’t ready to make a decision about his future.
Nolet said (son) Nolet told Muthig to take the time he needs and he didn’t expect a decision very soon.
Earlier last week, Muthig took a header into the boards while playing for his Tuesday night team and didn’t show up or call for his Otter team’s Friday night against the Falcons which they won 7-2. When called that night Muthig refused to join the team for a round of drinks.
It is unclear if Muthig played this past Tuesday since the IOAH web cam site http://iceoasis.com/rink/webcam.html was 1. broken 2. frozen 3. used a clock only or 4. had some psychedelic image on it.
You may remember Tom Muthig from the “rolling puck” goal that he scored during the IOAH Memorial Day tournament. This was after he put a nifty wrist shot past his own goalie Ed McKnight
Muthig will turn 61 very soon if he isn’t already. He’s eligible to become an unrestricted free agent on July 1. GM Nolet believes if he was to trade Muthig’s rights to another team he might only receive a pail of pucks and two broken sticks in return.
Muthig is pictured here when he was around 32 years of age.

New Russian League

IOAH dismisses threat of new Russian league
By Richard Cranium, AP Sports Writer Jun 22, 11:08 am EDT

OTTAWA (AP)—IOAH Friday night Otter’s star Val Kasvin has no intention of returning home to play in Russia, and the threat of a newly revamped Russian professional league using lucrative offers to poach talent is being dismissed by IOAH officials.
“At this point, it’s not a major concern,” IOAH director Chris Knight said that IOAH owner Ken Yackel said one night in his house. “We understand there’s going to be a league. We’ll see what impact it has. So far, it hasn’t really had a major effect on us.”
Added Knight: “We still continue to believe that the best players in the world will continue to want to play in the Ice Oasis leagues, the best leagues in the world even though we don’t keep individual stats or league standings anymore.”
Knight’s comments came after The San Jose Mercury News reported last week that several teams from the newly formed Continental Hockey League intended to offer Kasvin a multiyear contract worth at least $12.5 million per season. Kasvin was also given a spot on the upcoming season of “Dancing with the Stars” where he would be paired up with either Dmitri Smirnov or Sergei Anufriev. Kasvin has been known to cut a mean rug on the dance floor and is a former pole dancer from Las Vegas.
“Val is a great dipsy doodler on the ice and has some great moves,” Anufriev said recently. Smirnov could not be located for a comment since he was either home in Russia (negotiating his own contract) or near the red line.
Kasvin’s agent, Tony the Ref, confirmed his client received a lucrative “back-channel” offer to play in Russia, but stressed it was a deal Kasvin had no intention of accepting.
“That’s not what he’s interested in doing,” Tony said through a translator. “If this was all about money, he would go to Russia, because he could make more in Russia than he ever could in the IOAH. Val’s decision is he wants to stay in Redwood City.”
Otter’s general manager Aden (Aiden – Canadien spelling) Nolet said he’s committed to re-signing Kasvin to a long-term contract this summer, and is convinced the player will remain a fixture on a team that also includes star Rob Caplan
“He loves playing in Redwood City and our mutual goal is to work out a contract, an extension,” said Nolet. “My only focus is working on something that he’s happy with and we’re happy with moving forward.”
Nolet is a smart GM and knows how to get the deals done. He comes from a long line of deal makers. His father, big Alan Nolet, was the lawn bowling champion at Canton, New York’s St Lawrence University. He also played on the school’s euchre team. (He could not be quoted for this article as he was up a tree somewhere.) Nolet’s mother, Julianne, was on the Vietnamese women’s curling team where she became an all world Sweeper. When asked about her son’s successful GM job Jules said, “I’ve been trying on a variety of new colors around the house including black on black and black on black on black.”
The CHL was founded last month, replacing the former Russian Super League, and is expected to feature 24 teams when it’s scheduled to begin play in September. Two veteran IOAH free agents, forward Gary Ahern and goaltender Jim Pozzabon reportedly expressed interest in joining the new league.

Alls Quiet after Draft

Alls quite at the end of the NHL draft day

OTTAWA – After a full day of 4 rounds of draft picks. The Ice Oasis’s Otters stay quite on the trade front.
GM Aiden Nolet was quoted saying “We have a good group of players and I feel it is the best team we can put on the ice”.

The Otter’s ownership group headed by Full Sail brewing company, didn’t have any problems backing the GM at this time.
But they might have some questions about the GM if the Otters fail to win it all this year. Especially if they lose the ‘Evil Empire”, The Intangibles, again in the finals.

Nolet was further heard saying “If that’s what they feel. I can’t do anything about that. It’s up to the players now. Come this fall, I have bigger things to deal with. Like my ABC’s and addition tables.”

more trade news

Subj:
Re: Trades
Date:
6/21/2008 8:58:09 AM Pacific Daylight Time

How come everyone is not this funny in the locker room?



I am wondering if Aden can afford to resign his Mom --- she has been trying on a variety of new colors around the house including black on black and black on black on black...
Maybe it is just the fabulous George Michael that has her off on this jag...

trades

Lots of gossip as trade rumours swirl on eve on NHL entry draft
Richard Cranium, THE CANADIAN PRESS

OTTAWA - Trade talk intensified on the eve of the NHL’s entry draft with the big buzz surrounding the availability of the Ice Oasis’ Friday night Otters’ Russian line, but Otters GM Aiden Nolet denied he was shopping his team’s star forwards.
“People have called me about them,” Nolet said Thursday. “We are not actively trying to trade the Russians in any form. A lot of teams have been calling but we’re hoping to sign them long-term and keep them on the Otters.”
The trio, who combined for 9 points and 45 minutes of ice time last week, are slated for unrestricted free agency after this season.
Nolet also indicated Scheer, Jewett, Ahern, Bohac, Leung, Warner, Brown, Muthig and Pozzobon would probably not be re-signed before July 1, when they become unrestricted free agents.
“These guys and I have had a lot of discussions,” said Nolet. “They are going to go to July 1 and see what’s out there for them. And then hopefully we’ll have an opportunity to talk to them about what our situation is. We only want Jules, big Alan and maybe Rob back with the Big Three. Shit, we only need six players and these six can log a whole lot of ice time.”
Meanwhile, defenceman Brian Campbell could be on the move. Sources indicate the San Jose Sharks could possibly trade his rights Friday or Saturday after failing to sign him to a new contract. Campbell is an unrestricted free agent July 1

Wonder Pets Win it All