OTTER INTERVIEW with Jules Nolet

By Richard Cranium

Stalwart Otter and Desert Dog defenceperson Jules Nolet recently returned from a business trip to China. We caught up with her at an Immediate Care Clinic in Menlo Park.

1.Jules, why are you here at this clinic? Is everything OK?

I was in China for about a week and four days into the trip I developed this thing on my wrist. I was eating a lot of strange food over there and gained 7 pounds so I thought maybe it was either an allergic reaction or maybe that was where the extra weight went.

2.So did they find out what it is?

The doctor’s first diagnosis was it was from a botfly because it started out looking like this. They told me botflies lay eggs and larvae pop out of the bump. After I screamed and cried and threw up four times, they sedated me and x-rayed the area. They found out it was only a ganglion cyst and it would go away in my lifetime.

3.Will that affect your hockey playing ability?

Well, I never really had that hard of a shot from the point because I don’t practice and I do my famous sweep check with my right hand so I should be ok. I am concerned though that it will harder to pop the cork off of a champagne bottle since that is a two handed thing. Did you know that champagne is just white wine with Alka Seltzer tablets?

4.Oh, so how does this season look?

The Otters are playing well, only 2 losses and the GM’s father yelled at people in the locker room after the game I missed. I think he was a little tense because I was gone.The developmental team, Desert Dogs, are playing extremely well. I like how the new guys play, especially the shrink.

5.You are fielding a team in this year’s Thanksgiving Day tournament. How do your chances look in bringing home the trophy?

Let me set the record straight! If we are fortunate to win, we will just have the trophy for the picture. I will not bring it literally home with me! I think that is how this whole blog started!

6.OK, ok, so how does the team look?

I think we have enough ringers to be real competitive. Bohac is bringing in his 20 year old nephew from Massachusetts. He played an edgy game in high school. I called in a marker to get Gilles to play. We have some strong players from other teams plus our steady array of homeless Otters that have nothing else to do. Ahern couldn’t get a note from home to play and Warner sent this picture of his injury to justify his not playing. Personally, I think he is boycotting and is still pissed that he never got the official keg t-shirt.

7.I’m told you speak at least three languages. How did that come about?

Actually I do speak three languages and think in one more. I speak English, French and Vietnamese. The guys only hear me speak English but they know I think profanity when I’m on the ice against goons. Most people think I’m French because of my maiden and married names but I was born in Vietnam.

8.Do you have a favorite country?

I would live in France in a minute. I love everything about the country, the food and the people. They don’t have very good hockey over there though.

9.What were you doing in China?

I have a patent and needed people to manufacture the product. I thought I could do both there. Here are some of the people that I will use.


10.Can you tell us what it is? High heel sneakers?

No, the high heel sneaker article was not true. (editor note.. see farm club article october 10) I’ve been real secretive about this because I don’t want anyone to steal this idea but I guess I can tell you now. As I said I really love France. My favorite family from France is the Coneheads so I wanted to make some jewelry of the coneheads. Here is a picture. This could be worn anywhere on the body or on a piece of clothing. The toughest part is how to attach it. I tried Velcro, crazy glue, string, magnets and a number of other things. Then it hit me. You know how you get that sticky thing off a new credit card; it’s like a sticky tape of some sort. Well you have it on your finger and you try to fling it but it stays on your fingers. That is what I use.

11.One last question for you Jules…How did you meet the Big Guy?

Well I’ve never met Joe Thornton or did you mean Joe Sakic? I did talk to
Teemu once on the phone.

Actually I meant Big Alan Nolet, your husband.

Oh. We met at a bagel place. He was in line in front of me and ordered the
last pumpernickel bagel that I had my eye on. I swore in Vietnamese at him
and he thought I was flirting with him and offered to give me the bagel.
After that we talked and one thing lead to another and we ended up on the
ice. He coined a nice nickname for me so I sent him this picture and as they
say C’est La Vie!!!

CHANGES AT ICE OASIS

By Richard Cranium

The IOAH schedule is now into the 9th fall/winter week of games. The teams are settling in with the new and veteran players. There might even be weekly updated standings.

But the big news is the change in ownership and the month long wait to get beer back in the grill!

“I don’t know who these guys are,” commented Otter sniper Ted Brown. “They better have good beer or I’m out of here!”

During the past week, this photo has surfaced on many web sites as the alleged owners of the new Narazeth Ice Oasis.

“I’ve very concerned about the future existence of this rink,” said Gary Ahern. “They don’t look like hockey people. Sure, a lot of hockey players play golf but I don’t like the looks of this.”

Ahern went on to say that there was a drawing taped to the lobby window depicting the “new outside look” of the Ice Oasis.

“Hey, I’m an architect, my license plates say I’m an architect and that drawing looks a lot like Disneyland’s It’s A Small, Small World!” voiced an irritated, beer withdrawn Ahern.

Some of the players on the Oldtimers; Rex Mann, Art Wong, Chip Mesec and Rich Militec researched the background on Narazeth Enterprises. They found out through their Silicon Valley sources that the company was into converting buildings and vacant land into senior citizen housing.

“It’s kind of a nice fit since they might be able to convert Yack’s old living quarters into a one bedroom condo,” said Mann. “I would buy it, then I wouldn’t have to commute to the games. Also, that would give the neighborhood thugs a 24/7 opportunity to steal my Beamer when I leave the top down.”

All week long there have been many rumblings on what exactly will happen with the beloved Ice Oasis. Speculation for the short term is the rink will stay with increased fees for memberships, teams, cheeseburgers, beer and skate sharpening. Other revenue induced ideas that have been floated around include: parking fees, player bench rental fees (standing room is free), sub fees, grill cover charge, warm up charges and there is the likihood of coin operated shower/soap/shampoo fees. There has even been talk that the coin/bill changer will have a fee.

There have been a couple of positive changes.

“I saw that the employees were now wearing name badges,” said Otter Chuck Jewett. “I never knew how to spell Tirso’s name and now I not only have his first name but his last name too. I’ll be able to send him a Christmas card this year.”

Alan Scheer had said that he only saw Chris Knight when he had all his gear on and didn’t know how he looked in his street clothes.

“All this time, I thought he was some high school student carrying a laptop around the facilty,” quipped Scheer.

Nonetheless, there is much concern for the Ice Oasis’ longevity in the years ahead. It is a business and it needs to make money.

Longtime Otter and Yackel winger Tommy Muthig expressed his concerns today on the phone.

“I received this mass email yesterday and there was a slipup in the wording. It said and I quote “We at Nazareth are very exited about this opportunity and we are committed to bringing the Rink to its full potential”. The word “exited” was used. Does that mean we are leaving?”

Muthig went on to say that around noon today he received a suspicious email from CoastsideNet's new junk email protection service saying that they had quarantined its first suspected junk email message directed at him and he could look at it if he gave them his password. It was addressed to “dear adult@iceoasis.com.”.

“I’m just a simple guy trying to play hockey twice a week and not get injured,” said Muthig. “Now I’m getting suspicious emails.”

The change in ownership may also affect the “Gordie Howe Game” scheduled for Friday January 16th at 10:45pm.

“My dad who lives in Michigan bumped into Mr Howe while he was pumping gas into his minivan last month,” said Muthig. “I lived near the Howes when I was a kid and used to baby sit Mark and Marty. My dad found out Mr Howe was coming out to San Jose with the Red Wings for their January 17th game and told him that I lived there.”

Muthig told this reporter that he contacted Howe and asked him if he wanted play with the Otters against the Falcons.

“I knew Howe had played pro in six decades so I offered to pay him a $1 and buy a pitcher of beer so he could keep his streak alive to seven decades,” explained Muthig.“We were also going to do a Yackel fundraiser as Gordie agreed to sign autographs and pose for pictures. Now I just don’t know what will happen.”

More to follow………

CONTEST RESULTS!!!!

By Richard Cranium


The tabulation for the “Name The Otter Kid” is finally over. There were over a thousand responses via emails, letters, phone calls and comments.

SPOILER ALERT:
For some of the younger Otters (Jules and Bo) you might want to review http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leave_It_to_Beaver prior to continuing to read the post, otherwise most of the humor might pass you by like a Ted Brown cross ice pass.


Here are the results:

Fifth place – Jason Molenda receives 5 rolls of outdated Kodak 35mm film.

Fourth place – The Love Guru receives three handfuls of french fries off of
someone’s plate at Yack’s Grill

Third place – The “Great One” receives an autograph picture of this year’s Stanley
Cup Team… San Jose Sharks!!!

Second place – Anonymous receives a free skate sharpening, a free equipment “wash”
and an exclusive 30 minute Ice Oasis locker room shower with the
person of your choice.

First place – Theodore Cleaver from Mayfield receives Parker Brothers $1000.


This reporter caught up with this year’s grand prize winner by phone. He is a ten year old at Grant Ave Grammar School and has been following the Otters for a little over a year.

“My school teacher, Miss Landers, gave us an assignment last year,” said Cleaver. “We had to follow a sports team and since I like furry water animals, I googled and saw this Otter hockey team made up of wacky misfits so I thought it was neat to watch them on my computer using the live ice cam.”

Theodore went on to say he was glad that they won the Stanley Keg so their team picture could be posted and he could see what they looked like.

“They kind of looked like frozen stick figures on the ice cam,” commented Cleaver. “I was surprised to see how they looked. Some of them look really old and ugh there is a girl on the team! I thought Jules was a boy’s name like Jules Verne.”

Cleaver did say he spent many hours looking at the contest pictures and comparing them to the current photos.

“The hardest one to find was Tommy since there were three pictures that could have been him and Jules was a little tricky since pic #11 looked like her,” said Cleaver. “The easiest ones were Chuck and Gary since their hair styles haven’t changed.”

Theodore had some help from his friends Larry Mondello, Whitey Whitney and Gilbert Bates.

“My brother, Wally, and his friend Eddie Haskell also helped me in eliminating non-Otters,” said the little tyke. “Eddie said there were no clowns on the Otters!”

Asked what he will do with the $1000, Cleaver implied he would either buy some hotels for Boardwalk and Park Place or put some houses on Mediterranean and Baltic Avenues.

“I really hope the team doesn’t get split up after this season,” said the squirt. “Maybe they should all stay together and call the team “The Beavers”!

Thanks to all who participated in this contest. Scroll down to the original article and see how many photos you got right. They are all listed now.

Another Otter in the News

Otter's $1000 Picture Contest

Otter starting at a young age

GUESS THE OTTER

From now until Thursday November 13th at 12 midnight, you can submit your guesses under comments. The person who comes the closest in guessing the correct number of Otters to their picture wins $1000. Parker Brothers has generously donated the prize.


In the event there is a tie, the person who can drink a pitcher of Yack's Corner beer the fastest and keep it down will be declared the winner. The winner is also responsible for buying the beer.

Currently there are 13 Otters on the roster. Pictured below is last year's team with Jim, Chuck, Jules, Gary, Ted, David in the back row and Dmitri, Val, Alan S and Tommy in front row. Small pictures of Alan N, Bo and Mark are posted.

Just about all the pictures are black and white since these people are old and color photos were not around when they were born. There are only 13 Otters but 21 pictures posted so there are some phony ones. (hey, you have to earn the $1000) To make it more interesting there are two pictures of one Otter. There are 7 fake pictures.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!


1. VAL
2.
3. BO
4. TOM
5.
6. CHUCK
7.
8. GARY
9.RONALD MCDONALD
10. DAVID
11.
12. JULES
13.
14. JIM
15.JUST ALAN
16.
17. TED
18. ALAN
19. ALAN
20. MARK
21. DMITRI