OTTERS TOP TEN TIPS FOR 2009

By Richard Cranium

10. “A BIRD IN HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH”…..If you go hunting with Big Alan, make sure you know where the closest Safeway is for meat. Last year it was:
Bambi 8 Nolet 0 !!

9. “FEND FOR YOURSELF”…….Bring your own beer in your equipment bag and have your Keg Championship Shirt made. That is the only way you’ll ever see those things again!

8. “SHOOT THE PUCK BARRY!”…….Get away from those “nifty” drop passes to no one and “cutesy” moves. As Brett Hull said, “if you don’t shoot, you can’t score”.

7. “TRY, TRY AGAIN”…….If you put money into a vending machine(like those “free” air machines at gas stations) and nothing happens, DON’T keep putting coins in.
IT’S BROKEN!!!!

6.“IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO – DON”T DO IT HERE”.Hey, do you see all those clickable ads on the right hand side that talk about hockey drills,training and the like? Well, while you are here, click on them a few times. Gary needs the money to finish his new house!

5. “STOP – LOOK – LISTEN”………During a Sharks TV broadcast and while you are feeding your face with chips and dip and guzzling down bottles of beer, listen to what Drew says: #1 your head has to be on a swivel and #2 you must get the puck in behind the “D”.

4. “YOU WIN SOME – YOU LOSE SOME”…..During these tough economical times,send emails to everyone you know in Nigeria, Canada, Spain and every other foreign country and tell them that you found a $20 bill that was theirs. They can have it if they send you $100 US plus shipping and handling. Maybe we can get some of our money back or balance the trade deficit. Remember Obama said WE need to be responsible!

3. “WHEN YOU COME TO THE END OF YOUR ROPE, TIE A KNOT AND HANG ON”….Every company has been laying off people left and right and each company has a certain day of the week that the HR dept does it. Take sick/vacation time on that day every week for the year. If they can’t find you, you’ll keep your job!

2. “SOMETHING IS ROTTEN IN THE STATE OF DENMARK”.Beginning February 1st, it will be mandatory that ALL players take a shower after their game. Too many calls,letters and emails have come in from loved ones on the home front complaining about the body odor.Beginning March 1st, the stinkyness of equipment that is brought into the locker room will be evaluated.The Torelli Scale will be used to determine if the equipment is suitable for human wearing.

1. “WHO ARE THESE GUYS?”…..Ok, so there is no beer, no lights, no hot water (last Wednesday), no keg shirts, no updated standings, holes in socks, missing scorekeepers, smelly lockers…. HEY NOW!!! Let’s not have a pity party! Every time we meet, we win. It has been and is a GREAT time! Thanks to you and our opponents!

HOLIDAY TOURNAMENT TEAM

GORDIE HOWE..A NO SHOW

by Richard Cranium

The Gordie Howe Day scheduled for Friday January 16th at the Ice Oasis has been cancelled.

Howe was suppose to play with the Otters in their 10:45 pm game versus the Falcons, sign some autographs and then hang out with the players afterwards at Yack's Grill.
Howe is to be in the area with the Detroit Red Wings who are playing the Sharks on Saturday the 17th.

"When I heard that the Ice Oasis still didn't have beer, it was a no brainer," said Mr Hockey. "I just can't be at a place that has that lack of respect for the hockey atmosphere."

Howe's west coast liaison, Otter Tommy Muthig, was visibly shaken on the news.

"There are very few opportunities like this," said the Michigan native. "I mean what does it take to get some beer in here. I was so looking forward to suiting up with Gordie."

The game would have given Howe another chance to play in his 7th decade. There is also some speculation that Howe was hesitant to play in a rink that has overhead lights out.

"The rink doesn't have the budget yet for burned out lights," said ice jockey Tirso.
"The management knows about the light that is out over the visitor's bench but they have a system on spending money right now. They go in alphabetical order. They are on the C's. They put down carpet on the stairs leading up to the grill. The letter L unfortunately is a ways off."

The unavailabilty of beer hasn't hurt the Otters but the Wednesday night team, Desert Dogs, has been reeling. In their last five games they are winless with a record of 0-4-1.

"We have new players on the team, some from the Thursday night league," said GM Aden Nolet. "It's importnat that they learn to bond together not only on the ice but off the ice too. The team is now 6-7-1 with a possible 8 games left before playoffs. There is a definite need for them to have some laughs while drinking beer!"

WHAT WE DID ON OUR WINTER VACATION

by Richard Cranium
The Otter and developmental team Desert Dogs players had a two week schedule hiatus, even though they paid for a full month (and still no beer).

Some stayed close to home and played in the Holiday tournament (no souvenir jersey) while others ventured out to play in the Tahoe snow.

Some of the activites were captured on digital cameras.


Desert Dog (and Otter) Bo Daly without shoulder pads but wearing snow shin guards.


Desert Dog Mark Wong Van Haren looking for vegetables.


Desert Dog Kip "Posh Spice" Walker working out.



Dmitri had Val over to show him some of his old moves.



Chuck took this of the samurai ski jumping contest.



Gary skiing?



Tirso with one of his pussycats.



Gary with full house of in-laws.



Desert Dog Dave Curran after frolicking in snow.



Our team shrink Jeremy explaining Freud's view of the winter season.



Another invention of team fashion entrepreneur, Jules Nolet.



Desert Dog goalie Marc Rogers shoveling some tahoe snow.

Jim Bohac decided to get out of the cold and took his family to the beach

Desert Dog and Finnish Terror Juha Punnonen showing us Finland's National sport, snow snorkeling.



Just Alan's snowmobile.



Big Alan's hunting trip picture.



Desert Dog Junwei Bao up in the snow country.



Desert Dog Patrick Piazza showing us how it is done!



Otter Ted Brown



Val Kasvin on tour.



Tommy Muthig taking a two week rest.



Desert Dog Hap Leonard putting his designer talent to good use.



Mark Torreli tobogganning without a toboggan.

Dave stayed home and worked on the Blog

SNOW? WHAT SNOW!!!