OTTERS TOP TEN TIPS FOR 2009

By Richard Cranium

10. “A BIRD IN HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH”…..If you go hunting with Big Alan, make sure you know where the closest Safeway is for meat. Last year it was:
Bambi 8 Nolet 0 !!

9. “FEND FOR YOURSELF”…….Bring your own beer in your equipment bag and have your Keg Championship Shirt made. That is the only way you’ll ever see those things again!

8. “SHOOT THE PUCK BARRY!”…….Get away from those “nifty” drop passes to no one and “cutesy” moves. As Brett Hull said, “if you don’t shoot, you can’t score”.

7. “TRY, TRY AGAIN”…….If you put money into a vending machine(like those “free” air machines at gas stations) and nothing happens, DON’T keep putting coins in.
IT’S BROKEN!!!!

6.“IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO – DON”T DO IT HERE”.Hey, do you see all those clickable ads on the right hand side that talk about hockey drills,training and the like? Well, while you are here, click on them a few times. Gary needs the money to finish his new house!

5. “STOP – LOOK – LISTEN”………During a Sharks TV broadcast and while you are feeding your face with chips and dip and guzzling down bottles of beer, listen to what Drew says: #1 your head has to be on a swivel and #2 you must get the puck in behind the “D”.

4. “YOU WIN SOME – YOU LOSE SOME”…..During these tough economical times,send emails to everyone you know in Nigeria, Canada, Spain and every other foreign country and tell them that you found a $20 bill that was theirs. They can have it if they send you $100 US plus shipping and handling. Maybe we can get some of our money back or balance the trade deficit. Remember Obama said WE need to be responsible!

3. “WHEN YOU COME TO THE END OF YOUR ROPE, TIE A KNOT AND HANG ON”….Every company has been laying off people left and right and each company has a certain day of the week that the HR dept does it. Take sick/vacation time on that day every week for the year. If they can’t find you, you’ll keep your job!

2. “SOMETHING IS ROTTEN IN THE STATE OF DENMARK”.Beginning February 1st, it will be mandatory that ALL players take a shower after their game. Too many calls,letters and emails have come in from loved ones on the home front complaining about the body odor.Beginning March 1st, the stinkyness of equipment that is brought into the locker room will be evaluated.The Torelli Scale will be used to determine if the equipment is suitable for human wearing.

1. “WHO ARE THESE GUYS?”…..Ok, so there is no beer, no lights, no hot water (last Wednesday), no keg shirts, no updated standings, holes in socks, missing scorekeepers, smelly lockers…. HEY NOW!!! Let’s not have a pity party! Every time we meet, we win. It has been and is a GREAT time! Thanks to you and our opponents!