Another Otter Ages

By Richard Cranium
Assisted Living Center
Belmont, California


As previously written in an article today, another otter aged.

As it seems in most of these blogs, controversy surrounds this event.

It has been rumored that Otter forward/defenseman Dave Warner has been using a special substance that gives him energy and changes the color of his mustache.

In an in depth interview with Warner last night at a secret special place these questions were asked:

1. Do you take anything before a game that improves your energy

“I usually eat a Butterfingers and drink water. I find the sugar content of the bar kicks in around the third period. I also like it because the crumbs stick between my teeth and I have all my teeth, never lost one in a game.”

2. What about other times? Do you use anything that might be considered illegal?

“I don’t quite understand the question.”

3. Well it has been noted that your mustache has changed colors over the last 12 months, from light to dark to light to dark to light to dark.

“Well when I hit 50 my hair started to gray and my moustache stayed brown. After a few years, it looked a little odd having gray hair and a dark moustache. I looked a little like a porn star. I went out and got some Touch of Gray from Just for Men and lightened up my moustache. It went almost white with some gray in it.

4. I notice now your moustache is a light brown color. Why is that?

“Around this time last year, I started to notice that I really couldn’t see my moustache since it was so light so I shaved it off. No one said a word about it.”

5. No one?

“My wife was pissed off.”

6. OK but it has been said that your mustache gets darker at times. What is that all about?”

“I think some of that has to do with the lighting and time of day. Also as you get older the hormones change so that might have something to do it with it.”

7. Is there anyone in particular on the Otters that you admire?

“I really like Chuck Jewett’s hair. He’s got a full head of hair. It might be a rug.
Even after a game having worn a helmet, his hair stills looks good. He never takes a shower so maybe he is using some sort of special gel. You might want to investigate that.”

8. One last question, what are your political/social views?

“I would like to think that I lean more to the liberal left. That is why I like to play right wing. It
makes me more centered.”