WHERE ART THOU "LITTLE ALAN"?

By Richard Cranium


An all points bulletin for the whereabouts of Otter defenseman turned forward Alan Scheer has been put out by the FBI in conjunction with the California Highway Patrol and the California Fish and Game department.

Mr Scheer has been missing since late last Friday.

Scheer was noticeably missing from the Otter roundtable discussion at Yack’s corner after the team’s explosive 8-1 quarterfinal win against the Shamrocks.

“I noticed Alan and an unknown female lurking in a dark corner,” said an unnamed source. “It was difficult to see just what they were doing since the place was packed.”

Reports and rumors have been spreading like wildfire.

“I saw the little guy sneak out the backdoor without saying goodbye to anyone,” said another unnamed source.

A third unnamed source described a dark haired female that Scheer left with looking like this


A fourth unnamed source had a different description saying the mystery woman had light hair.


The FBI is looking into these people of interest along with a third suspect who was at the rink that night. The third suspect, using a magic spell, had turned Scheer into a hardened statue a few years ago (pictured here).

Otter GM Aden Nolet expressed the team’s concern. “I think this unknown female may have been a spy sent in from one of the other teams,” said Nolet. “If Scheer gives up any inside info, he is on the trading block. Then again, Alan might just be stuck in a ditch, wearing dirty underwear.”