Otter Interview - David Warner

Dickey Dunn – Penthouse Forum

I recently got a chance to sit down with Otters defenseman, David Warner at his private resort estate located in Belmont, California.


Dickey - David, first of all, congratulations on your big win. It must feel pretty nice to get that monkey off your back.

David - Thank you. It does feel great. It has been a long time coming. 32 years to be exact.

Dickey - This was not your first hockey championship was it? Many people might not know that you were involved with 2 NCAA Division 1 National Championship teams with Boston College.

David - Hey!... Kiss My Ass!

Dickey - Woops, my bad… I meant Boston University…

David - That’s better..


Dickey - So you won 2 national championships with BU back in the 1970s and were headed for a third straight when your team was involved with some financial impropriates with a student athlete. There were many stories that circulated online about the charges.. There was talk of BU Boosters paying hundreds of thousands of loonies to recruit a high powered Canadian prospect. Do you care to shed light on any of this?

David - It’s been awhile and I do not recall anything….. Can we just move on..?

Dickey - David, you must certainly recall something. You have authored several stories posted online about it. Does this have anything to do with your 32 year absence from organized hockey?

X.X. - Excuse me, I am XXXl XXXXX, attorney for Mr. Warner, and under my advice, Mr. Warner will not be answering any questions concerning his involvement in illegal recruitment practices…

Dickey - You mean ‘alleged’ involvement?

X.X. - Yes um..….of course…..His ‘alleged’ involvement in illegal recruitment practices.

Dickey - Ok, lets move on to more pleasant topics. This last game. The Otters win the Stanley Keg in a convincing manner over the three time winners, the Intangibles. Now I hear that there are several members of the Intangibles team that you have had some past ‘history’ with, …care to comment…

David - You just wait……

Dickey - Lets talk a bit more about the game.
There was much talk amongst your fellow teammates that you were the real inspiration for the teams victory. Something about winning you a T-shirt.

David - Yup. The official Stanley Keg Championship shirt, is one of the most cherished of all trophies a hockey player can earn. I mean, even when you watch the guys in the NHL win their championships and all they ever get are those stupid hats they put on after the game.

Dickey - But David, I hear that this season, IOHA is not giving away shirts, but a hat to the winning teams.

David - What the F@ck!.. Who’s hair-brained scheme is that.?

Dickey - What ever trophy you get for this latest championship, how will it compare to your two national championship rings?

David - Right now… It’s all about the shirt!,.. But when I finally sober up, I am sure that I will realize that the rings ARE the bomb. I mean, back in the day, I’d put on my rings and my Letterman jacket, cruise the local bars and have my pick of the litter. Chicks just dug the jacket. Add the two championship rings to the equation, and there were some coeds that missed classes for the next few days, if you know what I mean….



Dickey - The Otters are not only the champions, but I also hear from other players in the league that you guys are the “class act” of local hockey. Is this true.

David - Dickie, I have to admit. I have gotten pretty close to these guys over these past several seasons. They are hardest working, most dedicated, players I have ever been fortunate to play with. We have several players who showed incredible grit and determination over this past season.. Rob Caplan, who scored the championship game wining goal, was skating the final game of his hockey carrier with a totally shattered spinal cord.. Chuck Jewett was skating with only 2 of his 4 heart chambers functioning.. Tom Muthig is like 95 years old and I even think that Gary Ahern was playing with a chipped fingernail.

But off the ice is where the Otters show their class. We actively participate in various philanthropic ventures, Alan Scheer offers his services to unwed mothers in need of comfort and support. Alan Nolet has made it his mission to rid the Northwest of the troublesome elk that contribute to the destruction of the Earth’s ozone layer.
Jules Nolet, is looking to get involved with a manufacturing organization to build her product in under-developed countries, thus giving children the satisfaction of knowing what a hard days work accomplishes.

I mean, its hard to express fondness and gratitude to the individuals that make up the Otters. Beers on me folks next week.

Dickey - Thanks David, good luck next season.