By Richard Cranium
Reliable forward and sometimes rickety defenseman Chuck Jewett is one of two original Otters on the current team.
His storied hockey career started before face shields, plexiglass, hi-tech scoreboards and showers in the dressing rooms.
We caught up with Chuck on the phone, hands free, as he was driving a bunch of girls’ club volleyball players to a tournament.
1. Chuck, as one of the oldest players to ever lace them up, what have you seen change in hockey over the last few decades?
Before I answer any questions, I want to make sure this is not being recorded or will not be shown on any public forum. I need to keep my NSA/CIA clearance at the top level because I need my job to pay for all this gas and my IOAH monthly membership fee which I hear is going up next year.
Chuck, the blog administrator can assure you that no one will ever read this (wink, wink).
Ok then, the biggest change I’ve seen is the equipment. I used to wear rolled up Life magazines, sometimes Playboy with the pictures removed, as shin guards. There were no elbow or shoulder pads in the early days. We just used to put on a couple of layers of underwear for padding. Every pair of gloves had no palms and the pants were recycled diapers like the ones Torelli wore one game. There was no vulcanized rubber in those days so we used frozen horse turds as pucks. But the biggest change was in the head gear. We used to have a tuque
on our head since we played outdoors then hockey went indoors so we had to wear helmets to protect our heads from falling debris. This was my first helmet.
2. Since you brought up the helmet thing, yours stands out because it’s blue and we heard that it a customized one?
This is my current helmet.
I’ve outfitted it with all the modern technology. I can listen to music while I’m on the bench between shifts and call and talk with the family while I’m out there skating hard. As far as the color, hockey is a team sport but you have to have some individualism in it too. I could have had a yellow helmet but I didn’t want to look like a bumblebee. Most guys have the plain black or white helmets and just blend in. I wear this t-shirt under my jersey and it says it all.
Most people think I wear a blue helmet because I’m a Toronto or Montreal fan but that is not the case. When I was a kid this blue helmeted guy really made an impression on me.
3. I see some special padding in your helmet. Is that to keep that University of Washington/Berkeley brain intact when you hit the ice?
I have had some episodes of head smacking the ice in the last few seasons but the padding is necessary to keep my hair in place. I don’t like to get helmet head and since I never shower after the game, I want to look good up in Yak’s Corner after the game. You know I was voted nicest hair on the team for the last six years.
4. Speaking of after the game up in the Ice Oasis lounge, your team mates notice that you don’t drink beer with them. Why?
The guys have been razing me about my middle tire so I’m cutting back on the carbs. Also, at a recent Sharks game I was traumatized by these beer fans.
5. In researching for this interview, it came to light that your family stresses an education.
Yes, the missus and I both have Master degrees. She got hers from a school
that I can’t even talk about because one of my team mates goes ballistic when he hears it. I’ve been a Huskie and a Bear so I’m a macho type of guy. Our son goes to a school with ugliest football uniforms, University of Oregon Ducks.
Our daughter, hopefully will go to Cal State Monterey, the Otters, or she can go to any school in the country except Oregon State. Imagine being a girl and your school mascot is a beaver! Not cool!!!
6. Sounds like you’re going to have to lay out a lot of money for tuitions?
Not really. My son and I started a cottage industry in our garage. I go out and swipe all the broken sticks from the rink and he makes them into furniture.
It pays for his tuition. Our website:
http://cozywinters.com/skichair/
7. You seem to have an interesting job. Can you tell us about it or is it a secret with a multitude of nondisclosure agreements?
I’m a senior engineer, not a Caltrain guy, but a mechanical one with pencils and pocket protectors. I get to smash things up like bicycles, recreational equipment and medical devices.I’ve been doing it for over 30 years and every day is fun! I do sample punch tests for stress corrosion cracking and fatigue. Then our client can sue some poor bastard for negligence.
8. This season, the Otters are struggling. Do you have any insight into their performance?
There are ten of us from last season’s Otter Keg team and an import from the Wednesday Keg team, so we have the players and talent. We have won two out of the last three Kegs. Before this season, as a team, we decided to throw the regular season games. That is why we are in last place. We wanted to have fun and not be so serious, even though Ted is on injured reserve. The word around the Ice Oasis rink was the Otters were assholes. We were a tight knit group and had few openings for subs since we showed up for our games.
9. Is the strategy working?
I think so. We made it known that we aren’t assholes. As a matter of fact there is already a team of assholes. You can only have one! We’re getting the word out that we’d rather be dicks. Most of the other teams are now calling us dicks so that makes us happy. Some of the biggest dicks are on the Otter team!
10. The Otters have had a revolving door of goalies this season, around nine so far. Now you have a rookie in net. How do the playoffs look with Marty in goal?
It’s still too early to tell. Marty’s only played two games and is one and one. He missed last week’s game and will be out this Friday as he is getting an oil and lube up in Portland. I hear the Tarantula will be making a guest appearance for the 10:45pm against the Polars.
11. Do you have any words of wisdom for the readers?
Besides, always keep your head up, two hands on the stick, shoot the puck deep and always wear a helmet,
I’ll leave your audience to ponder these questions:
Why is the sky blue?
Why aren’t there sleeves on a vest?
Why doesn’t a snake have armpits?
Why is an orange orange?
And my favorite joke:
Question: If little Johnny is up high in a tree and falls out, what color is the grass?
Answer: There was no grass, he fell on concrete!
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