SPORTS CORNER

By Gordie Who

As of this writing the Otters are 6-3-1 and the developmental team, Desert Dogs are 6-5-0. All the players are healthy, wealthy and wise and looking forward to seeing what Santa may bring them and ringing in the New Year.

The Ice Oasis is shutting down the adult league for two weeks and is offering a holiday tournament. Some of the players will be out town while others may play in the tournament.

“I have company coming in for the holidays,” said veteran Tommy Muthig. (Shown here in his special holiday third jersey) “That, and my old bones need a rest so I have to opt out of the games.”

Another Otter who can not make the games is forward Jim Bohac. He is taking his family up to Tahoe for an unusual retreat this holiday.

“A helicopter is going to drop the family in a remote part of a Sierra forest,” explained Bohac. “We are going to be without food and water or any form of communication for a week. We will either die or learn good survival techniques.”

Bohac went on to explain that this is a good practice for everyone in these tough economical times.

“Who knows, one day I may have to send the kids to public school and we all might be living in a Menlo Park community center and have to forage for nuts and berries.”

Jim Bohac's Traditional Christmas Eve

Other players also have plans for the two week hiatus: The Desert Dogs’ Juha the Finn is going ice fishing at Lake Tahoe (don’t tell him the lake doesn’t freeze over); Mark “the Tarantula” is heading back east for Civil War reenactments; Dr. Jeremy is gearing up for the “nut jobs”; “Just” Alan will be standing outside Safeway collecting donations for the Salvation Army; Big Alan will be setting up a blind on his roof for the Christmas Eve potential kill of Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen et al; and Chuck will be building a replica of the Golden Gate bridge only to implode it new year’s eve.

Tirso is playing the Grinch in the Doctor Seuss production at the Ice Oasis.

On another note goalie Marc Rogers had the infamous over 50 “procedure” performed on him last week.

“I was all set for this,” said the outspoken Rogers. “I did my homework on it but I got really nervous when I was wheeled in and saw the doctor and nurse wearing miner’s helmets and safety goggles! They reassured me that it was a standard Cal OSHA procedure.”

This reporter contacted his doctor who could only say that they were tipped off by number 11 on the Sahara Desert team that Rogers was the biggest asshole that he has ever seen so they wanted to be real cautious on this one.

Speaking of the Sharks, a reliable source saw Joe Thornton visiting the trendy Moby Dick’s watering hole in the San Francisco Castro District last week. It appeared that Jumbo Joe was holding hands and snuggling up to his “date” Rosie Palm, pictured here.

“Off the ice, I really don’t care whose stick Joe is holding,” said Otter enforcer Teddy Brown. “We all know he has soft hands but on the ice, we want him to lead the team to the Cup, that is the Stanley Cup, not the one found in someone’s compression shorts!”

The rainy season is upon us and is causing quite a problem for Otter power forward/center/sometimes defenceman/not a goalie Gary Ahern. The Ahern family knocked down their old house in Woodside and has had a foundation poured for their new residence.

Pictured here is a recent photo of the damage done so far.

“I very distraught about this whole thing,” said an inebriated Ahern. “I picked up my wine drinking even on game days. This situation is definitely affecting my play. I had to go to Home Depot and buy ten sump pumps just to drain the water. I just hope the Mrs. has enough money socked away for these rainy days!”

In other news, the Otters are looking forward to their New York City outing against the Rangers February 8th.

Flashy forward Dmitri Smirnov went out and bought a whole new wardrobe for the trip.

“I even got some new cologne,” said the explosive Russian.

The Otters are also looking to field a team for a Las Vegas tournament March 5-8.

High society person, Jules Nolet is in the initial stages of planning the trip.

“Besides playing hockey and wheezing in the high desert, I’ve found a number of off ice activities that we all could do,” said the diminutive sparkplug. “There will be the usual things like riding the rollercoaster at New York New York, sitting in the Insanity ride at the Stratosphere and bungee jumping on the Strip.”

Nolet added that she is looking at some unusual outings for the pucksters like: a walking tour of the desert looking for unmarked graves of gangsters; who can spot the hookers contest; coed outing to a strip club; taking a famous taxi ride like they do on the adult cable channel; heckling a Cirque de Soleil performance and various eating and drinking games.

This will be the last article from Sports Corner for 2008. This reporter would like to wish all of you a Happy Safe Holiday Season and maybe we can get last year's keg championship shirt next year!