Tuesday, October 13, 2009
OTTERS LOOKING FOR A GOALIE!
By Richard Cranium
WANTED: A rostered goalie for the Friday night Otters
That should be the help wanted ad that Otter GM Aden Nolet needs to place. The defending Keg champs are now the cellar dwelling chumps this current season. With only two wins in 10 games and a dismal 5.0 g.a.a., the Otters can only look up in the standings.
“We certainly appreciate the help that we received from the sub goalies,” said Otter mainstay Tommy Muthig. “I don’t know if it is not having a regular goalie or our defensive structure has fallen apart. I know that I haven’t coughed the puck up more than last season so that can’t be it. We have a new d guy from the developmental team in the foursome, another guy is nearing 60 and the fourth regular defense person is distracted by music. We haven’t had a full lineup of forwards so there has been no consistency in our play.”
GM Nolet has tried to plug the hole left by former backstop Mark Torelli who left the team in a salary dispute and is now on the World Poker Tour. Torelli could not be reached for comment but is pictured here at a recent tournament.
Nolet has had talks with developmental Wednesday night Camel goalie Marc Rogers but to no avail.
“Word has it that Marc doesn’t want to move up to the big club,” said power forward Gary Ahern. “He said that Fridays are out since he wants to spend more time with his teenage daughter and her friends. For example, this last Friday was homecoming. He needed to be there rather than helping a bunch of hockey players in smelly gear. I find that kind of creepy.”
Rogers is also unable to sub on Friday nights because of the IOHA collective bargaining agreement that Friday goalies get first crack at subbing.
Nolet brought in veteran goaltender Jamie Karp for a one game tryout.
“Jamie has a real good reputation of being a top notch goalie,” said part time musician Jules Nolet. “I thought we had the goalie problem solved but the Boston Red Sox lost in the AL playoffs and Jamie had a snit and wouldn’t play hockey anymore until the Bruins win the cup.”
Captain Jules had requested from Chris Knight for him to find the Otters a goalie. Knight said she should find an “A” goalie in one of the San Jose leagues. Nolet said she knew no one in those leagues, to which Knight had implied she should find some new friends.
GM Nolet is frantically looking for the goalie that will be the key to defending the title. He has even gone as far as bringing out “The Dead Man Rule”.
“I’ve been in contact with IOHA director Chris Knight about the little known Dead Man Rule found in the IOHA rule book,” said Nolet. “It states that you can bring in two dead guys to take the place of one live player. I’m looking at these two guys, both Hall of Famers, both dead.”
Jacques Plante and Terry Sawchuck , if alive, would be 80 years old. Plante won 6 Stanley Cups and Sawchuck won 4.
“I think what we would do is get both of them in their caskets and stack them up on their sides, one on top of the other,” Nolet said. “The caskets must be a least six feet long and two feet wide so that would cover the whole 4’x6’ net. The only problem I see is where to keep them between weekly games. They probably smell worst than Torelli’s equipment.”
There are several Otter players that don’t seem too concerned about the play of the team so far.
“It’s a long season,” stated mild mannered sniper Ted Brown. “It’s all about positioning and technique, just like sex.”
“Yeah, look at the Sharks last year,” chimed in veteran defenseman Warner. “I’d rather lose all the regular season games and win all three of the playoff games! It’s all about the PLAYOFFS!”
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1 comment:
"Yes, we understand its rough...the team is LAST in scoring with only 41 goals, yet 4th in GAA (so, uppper half)...do the math as to where the actual issue is ;) Its is a tough sell to bring in an experienced netminder but I am sure fill ins will pop up...the main attraction seems to be the beer and locker room banter, and of course Jules"
Marc-the weds night guy :
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